Thursday, November 8
So, dear friends, I have some big news that I have been eager to share with you: I am pregnant! I am twelve weeks today, and boy, you don't know how hard it's been to keep this quiet! I have so much to say about this pregnancy, already so different from my first, already as full of meaning and insights as my belly is big. (I tell you, this baby isn't messing around.)
This pregnancy feel magical somehow. An almost-surprise, this baby is due in late May, right around my husband's birthday, which means I won't be pregnant through the blasted heat of a Texas summer. But also, this pregnancy feels so easy, so wonderfully free of the anxiety of my first time, that I feel as though this baby has come to heal me.
Sure, I've felt like crap (but getting better everyday.) There has been the numbing exhaustion, the devastating hunger, made all the worse by a generalized disgust in food. What I thought was nausea, which was in fact profound dehydration. And just feeling so hot all the time. (Summer here won't quit. It's still 80 degrees out. Count your snowy blessings, northerner friends.) But none of this has been a problem. I know how to deal with it. I make my protein smoothies and I go to bed early. I take care of myself. Do prenatal yoga videos on YogaGlo. I know how to do this. And I don't have to fret and fuss over all of the baby stuff I need to get, since I already have all of it. I tell ya, this second pregnancy business is just sweet.
I do have a few worries. Will Silas like being an older brother? What will this birth be like? How on earth do you manage to get two kids in their car seats? (Mamas of more than one, perhaps you could weigh in?) But even these concerns feel light, in comparison to what they were the first time around. Because this time, I've been through it already, and I know what I couldn't possibly have known before: that, no matter what, it will all be okay. We feel ready, we feel excited, we feel like this baby already has its place, that it has come to complete our family. I have a brand-new wardrobe from GapMaternity (Seriously, have you seen my belly? No getting by with mostly regular clothes this time!)
Let's do this thing.