Friday, October 28

28 october


some days all I'd ask for is to drink a hot cup of coffee from the first to the last sip without having to reheat it four times.

Wednesday, October 26

coffee with Elizabeth

There are few things nearer the top of the list of things that make me feel better than having coffee with my friend Elizabeth. She is the brave and beautiful mama of three, a doula who was present at my son's birth, and a touchstone of sanity, inspiration of laughter. When I'm having a rough time being a mama, she's the one I text, late at night, to suggest coffee the next morning, while our kids are in daycare together.

Over our buckets of coffee, we talk about books, handbags, where we would live if not in the fiery pit that is Central Texas. And babies. We talk about our babies. Mostly, these days, we talk about how and why our babies aren't sleeping, and what we are or aren't doing about it. I didn't expect, before becoming a mama, that another being's sleep (or, more to the point, the lack thereof) would be the dominant factor of my existence, dominating conversations, an obsession verging ever nearer to insanity. But it is--oh, is it ever, the ruler of my life.

Elizabeth has tenure as a mama--I feel a mere guest lecturer in the field. But I do not go to her for specific advice, as our nighttime parenting styles are very different. The reason I walk away from meetings with her feeling lighter, and more able to handle my life (and my kid!), is that she has helped me remember two very basic, very important things:

1) We are all going through this. (I am not the problem!)

2) It will pass. (I can stop beating my head on the wall trying to find a solution!)

That is all I need to hear, really. I need to be reminded that I am not a crappy mother, and that things will not be this way forever, two ideas that harden into the death-grip of certainty when I am awake, again, at 2am with a wakeful babe. Our talks remind me that I am ok, and that things will get better. If not soon, then soon after that.

Comfort and coffee. The two best things that mama friends can share.

Tuesday, October 25

the beauty of a pause

There I was at my kitchen table,  too early in the morning, weary, bleary-eyed. My almost-9-month-old is working hard on crawling, and the newly-firing neurons in his brain are messing with his sleep--and hence, with mine. With only the benefit of coffee for a crutch, I looked out over the day ahead, and just before I could get discouraged, the little scene coming to life on my kitchen table caught my eye:

Then caught it again:

I wish I could say that, in that moment, I could finally see the beauty that is my life, and that the day--and all days thereafter--rolled smoothly on. Not so much. But that much isn't necessary, either. In the moment I chose to pause, and see; to fire up my iPhone, open my Hipstamatic app, and shoot, I reminded myself of a few things:

...that my life IS indeed beautiful

...that I want to be the kind of person who chooses to pause and see that beauty

...that when I choose to pause, I connect to my "infinite power to relax, to release, to change, and thus to change everything."*

And so I carried on. I got up, walked around, and I found this:

And this:

It may not be much, but in the moments when I paused, looked, and shot those images, all I was connected to was that very moment, that breath.

And that is how I choose to live out my days: breathing into the moments, easing into the beauty. As it turns out, there is an app for that.

Monday, October 24

24 october


after that horrible night, if ever there was a day to give up, this was it. I'm so glad I didn't.

Sunday, October 23

23 october


I am ready to stoke that fire.

today I am... feeling inspired

there are lots of yellow-ish moments involving beverages on my back porch these days...

...inspired to walk with gratitude, camera in hand

...inspired to spend more time in this space, each day, even if for just short bursts of time (inspired by amanda's early posts)

...inspired to eat mindfully and well

...inspired to dream up playful spaces for my growing boy

...inspired to curl up with a good book

...inspired to take in the season. and to that end, I am heading outside!

see? here's another one

What is inspiring you these days? Do share!

Saturday, October 22

22 october


on my wish list: new hand cream, new teas, time for yoga, a visit to the pumpkin patch, movies about Paris, make-out sessions.

Saturday, October 15

15 october


much as I love them, sometimes I don't quite know what to do with weekend days. it's hard to go wrong with yoga and brownies.

Friday, October 14

five senses friday

::playing along with abby try again::

::smelling:: the scent of cedar during rainfall, after bedtime

::seeing:: the yard slowly turn green again--sweet relief

::feeling:: soreness after the run; sweet weight of my sleeping son on my shoulder

::hearing:: elaborate embroidery of mockingbird songs through open windows

::tasting:: pumpkin spice quinoa muffins; cacaowie wowie latte bucket; morrocan lamb pita

Wednesday, October 12

12 october

it began to rain after we went to bed. I remembered I still had towels on the line; I didn't mind. it smelled like cedar.

Tuesday, October 4

october daybook

::playing along! found via the lovely amanda--the simple woman's daybook::

Outside my window... The slanting light of fall; constellations of rain lilies.

I am thinking... About winter knits for my little one: a vest, some mittens, some booties.

I am thankful... For grown-up evenings now that our son predictably goes to bed at 7pm: time to knit, read & snuggle.     

In the kitchen... Pumpkin spice everything. Big batch of granola. Egg-in-a-basket with sliced avocado.

I am wearing... Black nursing tank top and slate cargo pants. But I am thinking of wearing scarves.

I am creating... Physically, in and around my home; in my days; in my mind: space to breathe and let be.

I am going...  To miss my husband as he leaves us for three days.

I am wondering... About the new iPhone release that's happening today!

I am reading... Eleven hundred books, as always, but mostly: A Visit From the Goon Squad, by Jennifer Egan; and Buddhism for Mothers, by Sarah Napthali.

I am hoping... To be able to make more time for yoga practice in the afternoons.

I am looking forward to... My family getting here this weekend.

I am hearing... Melodious discourse of mockingbirds.

Around the house... Windows and screen doors wide open, all day and all night; sweet quiet of no A/C.

I am pondering... How and when to make it back to the gym, how to fit more small workouts into my days.

One of my favorite things... Holding my sleeping son against my chest after night feedings, feeling his sweet weight and breath on my neck.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Cleaning the house for guests, making green curry broth with rice noodles and greens, watching movies and knitting, finally getting a cupcake with Kathryn and Jonah after daycare.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

Sunday, October 2

2 october


the house feels so expansive with all the windows open. so glad to be able to sit outside again.