Monday, June 4
the space between & the right stuff
I'm in a state of transition right now. Mother's Day Out has ended for summer vacation, and in a few days Silas and I are going on a trip. The old routine is no more, but haven't been able to find my summer groove yet because of our impending travels. My mother was staying with us for a few weeks, and just left yesterday. The days have been odd: I'm missing my regular touchpoints, my practice is all out of whack, there has been a conspicuous absence of blogging. And now Silas is transitioning to a new sleep schedule, one that will be better for everyone--well, for the parents anyway--but the ride is a little bumpy. Feels like everything is in flux. All in all, good things are happening, but it isn't the smoothest of rides getting used to the new normal.
This coming trip looms large. I couldn't be happier to be taking Silas to Victoria, British Columbia, where I lived from 2000 to 2007, and where many of the people nearest and dearest to my heart live. Not to mention one of my very favorite cities in the whole world. I haven't been since 2008, and I miss it terribly--the kind of missing that you can't really allow yourself to think about because if you did, you would start crying no matter where you are and what you're doing. So this trip is a joyful, joyful thing. But this joyful thing is also on the other end of a ten-hour, three-flight journey to another country, which I'll be navigating solo with my 16-month old. Hello stress! I've flown alone with him before, when he was 5 months and 11 months, and each trip had its harrowing moments but was overall just fine. But it's like traveling with a brand new baby each time since he grows and changes so much. This time, he's a fast and busy walker, and while he's also endlessly fascinated by the my iPhone and Kindle Fire, I'm worried that these won't hold his attention enough, that he'll want to get off my lap and cruise around, and that he'll shriek when I deny him this. Then I'll be that mom on the plane, the one everyone glares at. I'm terrified of being that mom.
So I'm pouring all my anxiety into packing. Packing for any sort of trip or outing is my superpower. I'll always think of everything, and pack it all super conveniently and cleverly. You should totally go on a picnic with me--I rock picnics. But I'm also very neurotic about finding the right thing: the right shoes (similar to these), the right bag (this one), the right book* to take on any given trip, and this neurosis is reaching new heights this time around. It's as if by choosing the right shoes, bag, snacks, I can preemptively smooth out any potential hurdle that may present itself during the journey. Like the right accessory will magically conjure a kind and helpful TSA agent, or a partially empty flight so we can have two seats to ourselves. Which I know is silly. I'm trying to talk myself into a space where I know that, no matter what decision I make regarding my luggage or travel outfit, things will work out fine. But having what I perceive as the right stuff helps me immensely to feel prepared. To know that, no matter what comes my way, I have enough baby wipes, hand sanitizer, and Chex Mix to handle it. All the same--wish us luck. It can't hurt.
I expect blogging will be light here while we are away. I'll line up a few more content-heavy posts, and likely put up lots of photos while I'm away (this would be a great time to check out my Instagram feed!) And while I'm super excited about this trip, about all the people we'll see, places we'll visit, foods we'll eat, I might be looking forward to being back just as much. I'm a homebody and a routine-loving girl. Looking forward to finding our summer groove in a couple of weeks!
*Seriously, I'm going crazy getting book samples on my Kindle, and I simply don't know what to go with. This one? This? This? Do you have any suggestions?