Friday, December 14
it's okay to be
I am tired.
It's a gray and low day, with a slight drizzle. It isn't really cold, but I seem to carry a chill with me inside. My little bear has finally stopped fighting his nap. I am still fighting mine. I would love to curl up in bed and drift off, but I feel I need to write.
I am tired.
Why? I wonder. I try to convince myself I shouldn't be. Then I remember: it's December, a week from solstice. I am 17 weeks pregnant. In two days I will be 34 years old. My son is almost two, and lively and fast. Some family health issues loom large and heavy on the horizon. I went to the gym this morning. It's Friday. These are all excellent reasons to be tired.
Then I remind myself that I am also allowed to be tired for no reason.
There are days when I still hold out hope that the practices that support me, that the yoga and meditation and mindful breathing and self-care, will somehow protect me from feeling low. That they will serve as an antidote to the common woes of the human condition. That it's a simple matter of math: that identifying the condition plus applying the appropriate practice equals feeling better. Some days it works like that.
But there is no long-term cure for being human. It is what it is. And some days what the practice gives us is the ability to name the feeling--I am tired--and allows us to sit with it. To let it be, and know that it's okay.
It's okay to be tired.
It's okay to be afraid.
It's okay to be resentful.
It's okay to be angry.
You do not need a reason, and you do not need to fix it. You can acknowledge it, welcome it, hold it in your open hand. Make a place for it within you, or make a place for yourself within it. And know that it will pass.
Some days the practice is just letting it be, and letting it go. And know that it's okay. That you're okay.
How are you feeling these days?
ETA: I have just read the news. Outraged and heartbroken and powerless are okay, too.